Storybook Love
by Frog-Princess1
Summary: This is just something silly I've been working on whenever I have writer's block. I wasn't going to post it, but it's a crossover between HP / The Princess Bride, so read it if you're interested. Chapter 3 is up.
1. Storybook Love - Part I

"Storybook Love"  
A Harry Potter / The Princess Bride crossover fic featuring MWPP  
  
  
  
By Frog-Princess, a. k. a. Emily  
(ginny@darkcastle.com)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not claim to own Harry Potter or The Princess Bride. They are both copyright their respective owners and no infringement is intended with this fic. I have borrowed characters, elements, and plot from the two, so none of it is original - it's just fanfiction.  
  
A/N: I was watching The Princess Bride today... and listening to the soundtrack later on (obsessed?)... and I had the idea for this crossover. This is just something I'm working on to ease a bit of writer's block. I've read at least six HP / TPB crossovers before, only one or two of which were exceptionally good, but I couldn't resist - I had to attempt writing one myself.   
  
_Please keep in mind that I have altered a great deal of the characters, plot, etc._ - not to mention that it doesn't quite start at the beginning... Oh, and the title comes from the film's main theme, "Storybook Love." No flames, please; this is for amusement only!  
  
Cast:   
  
James Potter ... Westley / Man in black  
Lily Evans ... Princess Buttercup  
Sirius Black ... Inigo Montoya  
Remus Lupin ... Fezzik - though he's not a giant in this fic, he's exceptionally strong [I told you I altered things! Sorry!]  
Peter Pettigrew ... Vizzini [Sorry! Sorry!]  
Severus Snape ... Prince Humperdinck  
Lucius Malfoy ... Count Rugen  
  
Enough author's notes... and now, on with the story!  
  
  
  
Storybook Love - Part I  
  
  
  
James desperately needed to stop and catch his breath, but there wasn't any time - another curse was being sent straight his way. He dodged the white hot light, holding up his wand and preparing to send one right back. He adjusted his mask. He had to admit, his opponent - a man by the name of Sirius - was good. Better than he was... almost.  
  
He was beginning to feel bad about having to fight Sirius, who not only put up a fair fight, but had shared with James the story of his unfortunate childhood. His father had been hexed by a man with silver-blond hair, and the hex had resulted in his father's death. But before the man was able to escape, Sirius had managed to send a mildly powerful curse his way, leaving the man with a scar across the side of his face. Ever since then, Sirius had been studying the art of the wizard's duel in hopes of one day seeking revenge on his father's murderer.  
  
Sirius, the Spaniard, jumped to his left, avoiding James' curse - but it was a near miss. Strangely enough, the man chuckled, which annoyed James a little. "What is it?" he questioned irritably.  
  
"Just that I know something you don't know," Sirius replied. He tossed his wand up in the air.  
  
"And what's that?" James asked.  
  
Sirius caught the wand, but in his right hand this time. "I'm not left-handed," he admitted with a devilish smile. "_Expelliarmus!_"  
  
James' wand flew out of his hand and sailed through the air before Sirius caught it. He had to think fast. He looked around frantically, then remembered what he'd brought along with him.  
  
_The cloak._ As he remembered this, James felt his face break into a grin.  
  
Sirius was approaching fast, the wand held in front of him pointed directly at James. He paused when he realized James was beginning to laugh.  
  
"And may I ask," Sirius inquired, "what you now find to be so funny?"  
  
"Simply that _I_ know something you don't know." A bit of shimmery gray material was hanging from a side pocket of James' robes. With one last grin, he reached for his pocket and removed a large cloak, which he draped over himself. He was there for one split second, but then Sirius blinked, and he was gone. He stood gaping open-mouthed at the spot where his opponent had vanished.  
  
_He seems a decent fellow,_ thought James to himself. _I hate to do this, but I can't have him following me._  
  
He muttered a curse under his breath, and a dim blue light shot towards Sirius, knocking him out.  
  
"Please understand," said James sincerely, looking down at the Spaniard that lay unconscious on the ground before him. "I hold you in the highest respect. Sleep well, my friend."  
  
He quickly reminded himself that there was no time to waste, and slipped his own wand out of Sirius' hand. He hastened down the steep, rocky path down which Lily's kidnappers had brought her.  
  
  
  
"Th-This can't be happening!" stuttered Peter. He was short and balding, with beady eyes that now stared fearfully down at the old piece of parchment he was holding. "According to the Marauders' Map, he's headed right toward us! _Inconceivable!_" He quickly scanned the land around them for any sign of a man in black robes.  
  
"Remus," he said nervously to the man standing beside him. Though he was young, hints of gray could be detected in his light brown hair. He wasn't very tall, and his frame was slight. "I'll take Princess Lily," Peter continued. "You deal with him and then catch up with us further ahead!"  
  
Remus was about to protest, but Peter had already left. "And be careful," he heard Peter squeal from a little way off, "you can't trust people in masks!"  
  
James had taken off his invisibility cloak, which, as it was quite large on him, had been slowing him down. Remus, who was standing behind a large boulder (therefore hidden from James' view), suddenly saw him approaching, pursuing Peter at breakneck speed. He looked around, his gaze falling upon a huge fallen log, which he reluctantly lifted. Physically, he _appeared_ very weak, but was actually a great deal stronger than most men his age.  
  
He had always made an effort to use non-violent means to resolve whatever issue he confronted. But he hadn't been able to find a job, not with what he was... he needed the money Peter was paying him...  
  
Remus heaved the log directly in James' path, just as he was about to run into it. The man was startled and came to a halt as Remus stepped out from behind the boulder. "I did that on purpose," he sighed wearily, before James could react. "I didn't have to miss." James didn't know what to say. "Er... thank you," he said awkwardly. "So what happens now?"  
  
"I've been ordered to stop you from continuing past this point," said Remus. "According to Peter, I should kill you right now... but in all honesty, that isn't very fair now, is it?" Remus was shorter than James and less muscular; he didn't look like he could harm a fly. James would have found it very funny if he hadn't just witnessed for himself proof of Remus' unbelievable strength.  
  
"Shall we duel?" asked James, brandishing his wand. Remus shook his head. "We'll face each other the old-fashioned way," he said, "without the use of magic."  
  
James was slightly worried about this. "It looks like the odds are slightly in your favor as far as physical strength," he admitted. Remus smirked. "I'll go easy on you. Unless you don't think you can outsmart me?"  
  
"Fine," James agreed, tucking his wand safely inside his robes again.  
  
A few minutes later, he couldn't believe his luck as he sprang around behind Remus and knocked him face first to the ground. Remus was clever, but it seemed he got tired easily, and it wasn't long before he began to slow down, giving James a greater chance to get past him. When James got up, he realized Remus was out cold.  
  
"Erm... uh... oops," he said aloud. He hadn't meant to knock him out, and supposed he had hit him a little too hard. But it was just as well; it only saved him that much time. Hoping his opponent wouldn't be in too much pain when he came to, James continued along the path Peter had taken.  
  
  
  
Upon clearing the rocky summit and crossing over to the other side of the mountain, the first thing James saw was Lily. With her fair skin and dark, wavy red hair, glinting orange and gold in the sun's light, she was looking as beautiful as ever. But she was blindfolded, and bound at the ankles and wrists. She sat helplessly next to Peter, who had apparently been waiting for James to arrive.  
  
Peter twitched nervously, but his eyes were defiant. "S-So," he said. "I guess it's down to you and me."  
  
James stepped foreward, but Peter held up his wand and pointed it toward Lily. "S-Stop right there!" he sputtered. "You'd do well to keep your distance, sir, unless you want the girl dead." Lily gasped fearfully. If only her true love would come for her... She sighed. She remembered all too well the first words James had ever spoken to her. _As you wish._  
  
At hearing Lily's pained voice, James stopped in his tracks.  
  



	2. Storybook Love - Part II

"Storybook Love"  
A Harry Potter / The Princess Bride crossover fic featuring MWPP  
  
  
  
By Frog-Princess, a. k. a. Emily  
(ginny@darkcastle.com)  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or the Princess Bride; they are both copyright their respective owners and no infringement is intended. I have borrowed characters, elements, and plot, but none of it is claimed to be mine as it's just a fanfic! =)  
  
A/N: Once again, this is just something I was working on to ease a bit of writer's block... it's silly really ^^; This chapter is a bit close to the film...  
  
  
  
Storybook Love - Part II  
  
  
  
"Just let me explain!" James took another step forward. Slowly... slowly...  
  
"Stop, sir!" cried Peter, realizing what James was doing. "One more step and the girl dies!" His wand was pointed straight at Lily, touching the bare skin by her neck, and she cried out in fear. James instantly froze once more.  
  
"Don't hurt her," James pleaded. "Perhaps an arrangement can be reached."  
  
"There will be no arrangements!" squeaked Peter.  
  
James was doing a bit more quick thinking. "I challenge you," he shouted before Peter could protest, "to a battle of wits! You look like a smart man... then again, what's the use - I can see you're too scared of losing to me to accept anyway." He pretended he was about to turn around and walk away, but Peter stopped him.  
  
"I accept," he spat. James grinned. "Alright, then. Pour the wine." Peter did so, and James removed a small drawstring pouch from the inside of his robes. He loosened the string slightly. "Inhale this," he said, holding it before Peter, "but do not touch."  
  
Peter narrowed his eyes again in suspicion, and though he bent forward slightly, he never took his eyes off James. "I smell nothing."  
  
"What you do not smell is a potion of my own creation," replied James. "Its contents have been crushed into a fine powder that dissolves instantly in liquid. Though it has no scent or taste, it is among the more deadly potions." He took the two wine-filled goblets before him and turned his back so Peter couldn't see. "Your task is to find out which goblet contains my deadly potion. When you have made your decision, we will drink, and find out who is right and who is - well, dead."  
  
Peter anxiously nodded. "But... i-it's so simple," he stuttered. "I can tell where the potion is just from what I know about you. Are you the sort who would poison his own goblet with a deadly potion in the hopes I would choose the goblet in front of you? Or, are you the sort that would depend on my being a great fool, and choosing the wine in front of me?"  
  
James waited silently, admiring Peter's logic.  
  
"B-But... I am _not_ a great fool," Peter said, reminding himself. "So I cannot choose the wine in front of me."  
  
"Truly," said James, "you have a dizzying intellect."  
  
"You could've put the potion in your own goblet, trusting on your strength to save you. But you've gotten this far, which means you're clever... so you must have learned how stupid it would be to poison your own goblet with such a deadly potion, therefore you would have put it as far from yourself as possible... Oh!" - and he gave a great, exaggerated gasp, pointing behind James - "What on _earth_ could THAT be!?"  
  
James spun around. "What? Where?"  
  
He head a soft, almost malicious chuckle as he turned around to face Peter again. "What's so funny?" asked James. "Oh, nothing. Let us drink, me from my goblet... and you from yours."  
  
James lifted his goblet to his lips and drank deeply from it. Peter did the same. When he finished, he smirked at Peter. "You guessed wrong."  
  
"No," laughed Peter, "you only think I did! But I switched the goblets when your back was turned - that's what's so funny! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders - never go in against a servant of Voldemort!" Peter began to laugh hysterically. "Ahahahaha! Ahahahahahaha! Haha--"  
  
He stopped, and fell over dead.  
  
James' immediate reaction was to reach forward and remove the blindfold from the girl. She studied him as he untied her bounds, and his heart sank as she did not recognize him. He thought of taking off his mask - but no, it would have to wait.  
  
"Who are you?" Lily asked, but James did not answer. He only gazed deep into her eyes for a moment before untying the ropes around her ankles.  
  
  
  
"There has been another fight," the prince snarled as he and his subjects sat atop their horses, studying the ground. "Yes, there are all the basic signs of a struggle. He had a large amount of greasy black hair that hung down to his shoulders, and a rather large nose.  
  
"But she was alive one hour ago, Count Lucius," he continued, addressing the man nearest to him. This man had silver-blond hair and pale, icy blue eyes. "And if she is otherwise when we find her, I shall be _very_ put-out." He brought his horse to a gallop as he led the others down the way Lily had been taken, his robes billowing behind him in the wind.  
  
  
  
"Catch your breath," said James to the princess. Lily stumbled over to a large rock nearby and sat down, breathing rapidly.  
  
"Please," she gasped. "Just let me go. Whatever ransom you ask for, you'll get it, I promise you." James only laughed at this. "The promise of a woman? That's funny. You're funny, Highness."  
  
Lily fought back her anger. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. Prince Severus is an excellent tracker. He knows better than anyone how to tell where magic has been used, and he also knows a great deal about potions. It's only going to be a matter of time before he comes for me."  
  
James scowled. "Even your dearest love won't save you now."  
  
"I never said I loved him!" Lily said shrilly.  
  
James raised an eyebrow at this, though Lily couldn't tell because his face was still partially covered by the mask he wore. "You don't love your fiance?" he asked, intrigued. "Aren't capable of love, you mean."  
  
"I have loved more deeply than you could ever dream," Lily whispered.  
  
James approached her, raising his wand. Lily turned away, but James stopped before muttering any curses. "That was a warning," he said. "Next time my wand flies on its own."  
  
There was silence for what seemed to be a long time, though Lily could not see what the man in black was doing. She had her back turned, and sat on the rock, contemplating possible identities of the man. Then it hit her.  
  
"I know who you are," she said, turning to look at him. "It couldn't be more obvious. You're a Death Eater."  
  
James only shrugged. "I might be."  
  
"Then it was you who killed my love!"  
  
"Well, it's possible. I killed a lot of people in my time. Describe this love of yours. Was he like the Prince, too - rich? Ugly?"  
  
"No," Lily interrupted. "He was poor. Poor, but perfect. And you took his life." Tears were now forming in the corners of her eyes. She started to turn away again, but the man spoke up.  
  
"This would be about what... five years ago?"  
  
Lily nodded sadly.  
  
"I remember this boy, this _'love'_ of yours I think. I hope it doesn't bother you to hear. He died well - no last-minute attempts at bribery. He simply pleaded with me to let him live, for he had to return to his true love." He spoke in such a bitter tone that Lily was startled. "True love he spoke of, Highness, and he told me of your breathtaking beauty and enduring faithfulness. It's a good thing I got rid of him before he could find out what you really are."  
  
"And what am I?" Lily asked.  
  
"Tell me, when you found out he had been killed by a servant of Lord Voldemort, did you get engaged to his only mortal enemy that very day, or did you wait an entire week in mourning?"  
  
Lily stood up, her face just inches from James'. "Never mock me again!" she cried, shaking her head and glaring up at him defiantly. "When they told me James was slaughtered by a Death Eater... I died that day."  
  
James was taken aback.  
  
"You can die too, for all I care," she said, and with one great shove, she pushed James over the side of the steep, grassy hill. "As...you...wish..."  
  
Lily's expression changed with sudden painful realization. As you wish? "James!" she screamed. "Oh, my darling James - what have I done?" She began to run after him, but tripped on the edge of her long gown and she, too, went tumbling down the hill.  
  
"Ow - oof!" said James as he rolled down the hill.  
  
"Ouch!" screamed Lily. "Ow... oh!"  
  
When they both stopped at the bottom of the hill, James crawled over to Lily. His mask had fallen off. "Can you move at all?" he asked wearily.  
  
"Move?" Lily repeated. "You're alive! If you want, I could fly." She sat up and threw her arms around James, so happy that she was once again on the verge of tears.  
  
"I told you I would always come for you," said James. "Lily, why didn't you wait for me?"  
  
"I waited five years," said Lily. "...You were dead, James."  
  
"Even death cannot stop true love... all it can do is delay it for a while." James gently stroked the side of Lily's face, drying the tears that were beginning to slide down her cheek. "I will never doubt again," she said.  
  
James smiled and replied, "There will never be a need." They leaned close to share their first kiss in five years.  
  



	3. Storybook Love - Part III

"Storybook Love"  
A Harry Potter / The Princess Bride crossover fic featuring MWPP  
  
  
  
By Frog-Princess, a. k. a. Emily  
(ginny@darkcastle.com)  
  
  
  
Storybook Love - Part III  
  
  
  
"Aha! Your pig fiance is too late!"  
  
James and Lily had been running along the floor of the ravine for quite some time. Finally, they came upon a dark and dreary looking forest. At this point, James turned to Lily and said, "Don't worry, love. Just a few more steps and we'll be safe in this... er, impenetrable thicket."  
  
"Thicket?" Lily repeated. "James, you act as if this is nothing new! This is the Forbidden Forest! Do you know what kind of _creatures_ live in there? We'd never survive!"  
  
James shrugged. "Nonsense! You're only saying that because no one ever has."  
  
Lily clutched James' arm as the two entered the Forbidden Forest. The further they walked, the darker it got. Lily had a bad feeling about the place, but James was as confident as ever.  
  
"You know," said James, "it's really not that bad."  
  
Lily stared. "I suppose it could be worse." _At least we haven't run into any werewolves,_ she thought, remembering all the tales she'd been told about the creatures that resided at this very location. James seemed to read her mind. "Oh, come on, Lily. Werewolves aren't all that bad, you know," he teased with a wink. "Besides, once we're through the forest, we'll be safe at Hogwarts castle. It's just on the other side." Lily nodded, but felt only slightly more at ease.  
  
She took another step forward, and a curious popping noise was heard. But she didn't have time to react, or to even question what had caused the sound, for a great column of flames had shot up from the ground. Lily screamed as she noticed her skirt had caught on fire, but James quickly extinguished the fire.  
  
Lily, unsuspecting of such an occurence within the forest, looked deeply shaken. She hugged James before letting him help her to her feet.  
  
"Well," James laughed. "That was an adventure. Singed a bit, were you?"  
  
Lily chuckled in spite of herself. "No. You?"  
  
James shook his head. Taking Lily's hand, he guided her through a twisted maze of trees. Soon, there were so many tangled vines overhanging the path that they needed to be cut in order to proceed. James got out his wand and recited an incantation. Then, with a single movement of his wrist, the vine before him was sliced in half. He kept doing this as they walked.  
  
"James," Lily said, finally getting up the courage.  
  
"Yes?" James replied, cutting another vine.  
  
"Forgive me for asking, but I must know. Everyone thought you were dead..." Lily bit her lip. She hated to relive the sorrow of those five long years, believing her beloved James had been murdered. "Where were you?" she asked in a whisper.  
  
James paused. "You know of the Dread Pirate Roberts?"  
  
Lily nodded.  
  
"Well," James continued in a quiet tone, "when the Death Eaters came after me, I was able to get away from them before they could throw any deadly curses my way. But apparently, my escape alarmed them - Voldemort, after all, wanted me dead. He would not have been happy if his servants returned with any other such news." He grimaced, his voice angry and bitter once more, yet dangerously calm.  
  
"They made it look like there had been a struggle," James said, "and lied about it afterwards. Voldemort was satisfied. But I was forced to go into hiding, Lily, because I knew they'd only come after me again if I suddenly reappeared without a scratch. I knew Voldemort would have been angrier than ever if I was still alive, and it would have put your life in danger. I simply couldn't bear the idea." He looked deep into Lily's eyes. "I'm so sorry for staying away."  
  
Lily's pale face, normally with flushed, rosy cheeks, was now drained of its color. She looked extremely frightened. "Why would Voldemort want you dead?" she asked finally.  
  
"I don't know, love," said James. It was the truth. "Maybe he wanted to do away with the last remaining Potter. Maybe I know too much - maybe I'm a threat to him. But whatever the reason, I just couldn't risk your life for mine. I had no choice."  
  
James spoke in such a way that made it clear Lily would have to accept this. She nodded, not wanting to argue. Suddenly, she remembered something else.  
  
"But what does all this have to do with the Dread Pirate Roberts?" she asked.  
  
Oddly enough, James grinned. "_I_ am the Dread Pirate Roberts."  
  
Lily's jaw dropped. "What!?"  
  
"I myself am often surprised at life's little quirks," James smiled. "You see, it was altogether hopeless, searching for a safe place to hide until things blew over. No place was safe from Voldemort; he'd know wherever I was. So I just kept running until I reached the sea. I secretly boarded one of the large ships once I knew where it was headed, disguised as a member of the crew; I was desperately hoping another idea would come to me - and that's when it happened."  
  
"What happened?" asked Lily. "Go on."  
  
"Well, we hadn't gone far when our ship was overtaken by another, and we were attacked by pirates. I came face to face with Roberts himself. He looked quite harmless, really; his face was almost kind - but of course I couldn't trust on his appearance, for I'd heard a great deal about him and knew he took no prisoners. I pleaded with him to let me live, telling him, 'I must return to my true love.' To my surprise, the man helped me up, gave me a pat on the back, and brought me aboard his ship.  
  
"Eventually, Roberts and I became friends. Never once during those five years did I see him take another man's life. In fact, he never even made an attempt to rob another ship. You would have liked him, I think - not at all the pirate type. He was tall and thin, with bright red hair. About our age, maybe a little older... I think he went by the name of Arthur Weasley. Anyway, in front of his crew, he tried to act the part, but like I said, he wasn't at all fit to be a pirate. Too soft." James chuckled, and Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "In his cabin," James continued, "he revealed to me the secret he'd been keeping from his crew.  
  
'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts,' he said. 'I inherited this ship from another man, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from was not the real Roberts either - his name was Cumberbun.'  
  
You see, it's the name that's important for inspiring the necessary fear. Arthur hadn't made much money being a pirate, but he longed to return home and see his wife, Molly. So we returned ashore, took with us an entirely new crew, and he stayed on board for a while, calling me Roberts. Once the crew believed it too, he left to go back to his family. And I have been Roberts ever since." He bowed to Lily.  
  
"However, now that we are together again, I shall retire and find a new Roberts to pass down the title to. Now, then. Does that clear everything up a bit?"  
  
Lily took another step forward, opening her mouth to reply, but James never got to hear her answer. Lily had walked into a pit of quicksand. She vanished before James' very eyes.  
  
"Lily!"  
  
  
  
A/N: I'm sorry, that was a bad place to end the chapter =( Look for the next one soon!  
  



End file.
